Twitter Training

I need some feed back, i know the grammer is rough but i need an honest opinion about the story, thanks.

I walked down the hall. Same as always the merchants trying to sell the exact same thing with a different voice that advertised. I slipped the strap of my rifle up on my back. I hated leaving. May, my wife for two years was only 17, I was 19. I married her because she was the only thing close to a girlfriend I ever had. She had long black hair, green eyes, tan skin and a beautiful body. After scavenger training, I remember my instructor saying,
"any woman you want and she has to and you have to as well," he said,
"you must carry on your name for the future scavengers of the Tower."
I never knew why our colony was called the Tower. I mean 80 years ago when the war happened a couple of students just hung around in a school. The school was big, but 7 stories isn`t exactly a skyscraper in my opinion. We were the best though, probably because we raided any place with military tech in it and used it. I came to the gate I could hear a bird twitter and the air hit my face, it was only then I realized the coldness of the tears on my eyes. I was crying to with my May, but I quickly wiped them away so the squad wouldn`t see me.
" Don`t, don`t… leave," she sobbed hanging on to my jacket.
"I`ll be back," I lied.
I knew every season we left to scavenge was another season four of my twelve men would die ( what if one was me?). She calmly slipped away while I mounted my super stealthy vehicle for the apocalypse, a horse. I joined my group while May and several other wives waited at the steel-reinforced gate. Right as the door closed she tried to yell "I love you," but before I could say anything back the gate slammed shut by the honor guard. Another week in the ruined mutant infested, cannibal populated, rival settlements populated wasteland. Another week in Hell.

You have some pretty good ideas, I’ll give you that.
However, you have a few problems. Grammar’s first, though you know that. You also need to add in more description of the setting, though take out some description of May. I think it would be better to describe her when she actually begins to take a part in the story. Also, only give us the most important details – for example, any unusual features. Maybe oddly colored eyes, strangely long hair, a different skin texture, or just an uncommon beauty. Remember, sight isn’t the only sense, and good metaphors give more meaning to your words. Oh, and you also need to develop a voice. Right now it sounds like a teenager talking about their life, skipping over details and focusing on ones only important to them, being more wordy than necessary (which I think is going to be one of your biggest problems). And the reader doesn’t get a good sense of your character, which is important. You’ll need to edit this a bit.